*WARNING* This is not a healthy post!

Setting: In the car on the way from Kalamazoo to Detroit. Nearing Battle Creek.
The moment before: We have just passed a billboard for Sweetwaters Donut Mill.

Given Circumstances: When leaving Kalamazoo, we had decided *NOT* to stop and get donuts on the way out of town… There are two Sweetwater’s that we could have stopped at IN Kalamazoo and we decided that it was not in our best interest… There was much discussion on whether or not we should stop… we probably would feel gross after so much sugar… we probably didn’t want to take the time stop… we just had a big breakfast… we really didn’t NEED donuts… (as opposed to other times when we do NEED donuts…).

The Story: Well we were innocently driving along Interstate-94 just outside of Kalamazoo when all of the sudden we were assaulted from the side of the highway… there it was… a big, tall, dark, looming tower just lurking in the shadows and waiting for it’s next innocent victim.

Disclaimer: I have decided that when I’m traveling – the calories don’t count so I’m actually *allowed* to eat junk food. Also I feel like this is where I need to apologize for all the junk food I’ve been posting on my Instagram (@DanLikesToEat)… but it’s so pretty! I promise that I have a post about broccoli in the works πŸ˜€

Back to the Story: Upon seeing the billboard… we became quiet… neither of us moved at first and even the radio took the que and went silent. Then as the side of the road was whizzing by, we slowly turned and looked at each other. My sister and I. Our eyes locked. Without missing a beat, at the exact same time, in grave voices we both said: Exit 97.

The events that happened after that moment are a bit of a blur, everything seemed to happen so fast and all I could think about was sugar, and cakey donuts, and frosting… I imagined picking out the one I would get… standing at the counter pointing to the one that was mine, grunting like a cave man. In my head it was like a dream and I couldn’t talk. All I could do was point and hope. My mouth salivated.

We were fairly certain we knew exactly where the donut shop was off the high way but just to be sure, Marissa (my sister), quietly held down her phone button and said “Siri, get me directions to the nearest Sweetwater’s Donut Mill”…

There we were, sweating pure guilt from the decision to get donuts and fantasizing about the little morsels of cream that we would be licking from our lips in a few moments, just trying to make the process as smooth as possible and then Siri thought she would make us feel just a LITTLE bit worse about our decision.  “Siri, get me directions to the nearest Sweetwater’s Donut Mill”…  and her response…

Siri: Yeah, I figured.

I’M NOT JOKING ABOUT THIS YOU GUYS!!! SIRI ACTUALLY SAID THAT!! We burst into shameful laughter at the fact that SIRI WAS “EXPECTING” US TO ASK THAT.

It *should* have been a wake-up call and I *should* have changed my mind right then and there, but something happened. I felt that I needed to prove to myself that I COULD get a donut. Siri doesn’t get to influence my decision like that. I’m going to do what I want. “Siri… it’s not your job to judge us when we ask for things… IT IS JUST YOUR JOB TO DO IT! You have ONE job right now, just get me to the donut shop. SIRI!”

Needless to say… we had *NO* trouble navigating our way there and we parked the car and headed inside.

We approached the door and I opened it to find two fat children and their fat mother parading out the door. I smiled. This is a place where dreams come true. I immediately knew we had made the right decision. After the donut family with their glazed over eyes had fully exited, we went inside.

The song playing as we entered… could they have planned it better? Pour Some Sugar On Me.  I didn’t notice it right away because I was distracted by what my eyes landed on as we stepped through the second door:

The song underscored our experience like angels underscore a new member of Heaven… we were in donut Heaven. We proceeded to carefully weigh the options that each donut presented… New York Cheese Cake? Chocolate Cloud? Boston Cream (a personal favorite)! Chocolate Peanut butter Cup! But as soon as my eyes landed on it…

The Grasshopper!

Its a chocolate-mint delight with a mound of frosting on top! The donut is a cake consistency so it packs a punch πŸ˜‰

My sister found her calling in the Coconut Cream filled donut… Coconut flakes on top with frosting and a coconut cream surprise on the inside… just waiting to explode in your mouth!

We happily paid the $1.29 per donut and made “donut small talk” with the angel behind the counter (she accidentally only charged us for the water at first because “it had been a long day of serving donuts… I’m very tired”…) We consoled her as best we could and ushered our donuts to the car…

Now the rest is history and I think it would be sinful to describe the process of eating the donuts… moaning, grunting, licking… blankly staring out the window wondering what my life has become… but I won’t get into all that. I have one final point I want to make…

I have never been an advocate for drinking and driving, but I can assure you that Donut and Driving is far… FAR more dangerous. We survived, eating our donuts as we traveled on down the highway… content as our sugar headaches set in for the drive πŸ˜‰

4 Comments Add yours

  1. Analisha says:

    Omg! This is so hilarious!! I love Siri’s response πŸ˜‚.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dan DuPraw says:

      Thanks, Analisha!! ❀

      Like

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